facebook and ISSMA

the main summing up points of my life in the past days since i have posted are that i got a facebook (finally) and i got a gold for my solo at ISSMA! issma is a state orchestral competition thing, gold being the highest you can be awarded (obviously.)

also, i fiiinally got a facebook :) ive been wanting one for so long, and i finally got one w/ my parents' approval. thats bout it for now.

Song of Songs:

"let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-
for your love is more delightful than wine.

how right they are to love you!

dark am i, yet lovely,
O daughters of jerusalem,
dark like the tents of kedar,
like the tent curtains of Solomon.

I am a rose of Sharon,
a lily of the valleys.
(Like a lily among thorns
is my darling among the maidens.)

I am faint with love.

My lover spoke and said to me,
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
and come with me."

this is a titleless title.

favorite song lyrics at the moment:

"we all have a story to tell...
no matter if we whisper or yell."

isn't it great? so true. ahh, he is we :)

oh yes, about that...

the last, oh, stanza or so of that poem wasn't great. but i like the message.

today was better. i'm trying to tell myself he's not worth the pain, that any guy is not worth the pain, because i'm only 15 and have my whole life ahead of me. i look at myself from the outside and see a silly girl crying over a boy she never had. and it looks so shallow, at this age. but i don't feel shallow... the pain feels real. does that make sense?

in any case, today was church, homework, violin, and grandma visit. i'm trying to get close to God again. but in a weird way, i feel like if i do i'll have to give up my sadness. and i don't know if i'm quite ready to let it go. which probably sounds stupid. i'm having a hard time expressing myself here. :) but i'm ready to get close to God again, so after i'm done blogging it's time to go read Psalms. they're beautiful, both in touching the heart, and the way they're composed... the figurative language and wording are some of the best i've ever seen. probably because it's divine. well, that's about it.

i notice my blogs are getting rather long. is that bad? btw, thanks for the poem, e. :) i'll be posting the best psalm i read tonight on this tomorrow.

i'm a
dreamer.
reality tells me,
dreams don't
come true.
but for some
strange, strange
reason,
my heart can't let go
of the hope
that they
do.

i'm a
wisher.
everyday tells me,
my star-wishes won't
ever come
true.
but for some
unfathomable reason,
my heart can't let go
of the feeling that
yes, they
do.

i'm naive.
holding onto
innocence,
for i've realized:
as we gain more
sense,
we lose the imaginings
we used to know
the ones that made
this world blossom,
grow.
i'm
grabbing onto
yester-years,
wasting a star-wish
on wishing the future-
and concurrent loss of innocence-
won't be near.

epic :)

i lovelove halle and kat. we had the most fun time at the mall. however, im running on a lack of sleep at this moment in time. but i felt disconnected from this blog. which is funny, how much i write on it now... but my life feels kinda pointless other than this so why not i guess?? i'm just kindof, living, i guess, waiting to find out my purpose. waiting for you to show me, God.


tears fall like
rain
heavy, heavy, hard
each drop pelts the earth
my skin
my face
rivers always wash away
and time will never tell
all the tears i've had that fade
will wash away as well

tears dry up
oasis, oasis, imagine
little more than
memories
little more than
broken dreams
and they say that time will tell
but time will never tell
unless i call my memories,
these scars will fade as well.
-------------
God,
You
what else is there?
what else?

its late.

and i need to go to bed.
just...ahh. kenzi and amelia both aren't talking to me, i feel like i don't know half my friends anymore, and i feel just really low right now. not good. too upset to write anything worth writing. so, peace, whoever cares enough to read this.